This is for the G’z
Welcome Back! And if this is your first time reading, then go back and catch up because I tell D.O.P.E. Stories. I’m going to break this into 2 parts. Pre-Covid-19 and Post Covid-19. This first part is clearly Pre-Covid.
“Geoffrey, you want to start a gardening business? Sounds good. Are you a Master Gardener?” This was the question asked to me after I told a family friend my intentions of starting D.O.P.E. My first thought was “Yea I’m pretty good at it, but I wouldn’t call myself a “Master Gardener” So I replied, no I am not. We continued to eat our lunch and he offered me some tips, while throwing in subtly “When I made my first million.” To which I almost choked on my food(that’s another story for later)
Being the curious person that I am I went home and researched what a “Master Gardener” was. To my surprise it was a real thing. There is actually a program sponsored by the state to make you a “Master Gardener.” Instantly I dialed the number because this was something I had to do. As it turns out I missed the deadline for that year. But I was told I would be contacted when the next class was being offered. And I forgot about it after that. This was in the early spring.
Fast forward to last October and I received an email that the Master Gardener program is accepting new applicants, but there was limited space. So I quickly gathered my references and applied. Then I waited..and waited..and waited. Truthfully it was probably only a month, but it felt like forever. I was thinking to myself, “Well I tried” when I received an email saying I needed to complete my background check, and if I passed that then there would be 2 interviews in early January. “Damn all this to plant some flowers?”
Ok so here we go. It’s January 2020 and I’m ready for my interview. So I dressed for an interview, minus the tie, got there early, portfolio in hand, There was nothing in it, but it looked good to have in my hands. The lady I had been in contact with was called and she came out in jeans and tennis shoes. Meanwhile I look like I’m headed to a “Grown & Sexy Happy Hour.” The interview lasted maybe 7 minutes. That 7 minutes was walking in, talking, and walking back to my car. I basically was in the program and orientation was that Friday.
So here we go in orientation. I sit in the back as usual because I hate sitting in the front of anything. Why is that? Well when you’re a teenager who doesn't want to wear his glasses, your mother tells your teachers to sit you in the front so you can see! So my adult act of rebellion is to sit in the back everywhere I go. Anyway sitting next to me is a small and I mean small older lady. Who I later found out was a huge fan of George Washington Carver and we had extensive conversations on peanuts, and slavery. Anyway about halfway through the orientation she says “I’m hard of hearing, and I can’t really hear anything.” WHY THE $$$$ ARE YOU SITTING IN THE BACK!” is what I thought, as I began to repeat what they were saying to her.
Did I mention that the program runs from January to May every Friday from 9am-1pm. Every single week, and you’re allowed to miss 1 maybe 2 classes.Unless you’re retired with free time or work for yourself(hint hint) then the Master Gardener program is pretty much unattainable. A hand goes up “Hi! I’ve saved all my vacation time for 2 years to take this program.” Ok well let me add her to the list of people who could also partake in this program. (2 years with no vacation, to plant flowers? WOW!)
Two weeks later I show up for day one of class, and I’m sitting in the back of course. My little friend walks in after me and guess what? She doesn’t get a seat in the front. Did she hear anything..Who knows! I’m given a huge textbook and the lecture begins,Chapter 1:Soil. Four hours later I know way more about soil than I ever knew in my life. Did ya’ll know that soil consists of water,sand,silt,clay, as well as dead plant and animal matter? No you didn’t! And neither did I, but I do now. Actually that was week 2. Week 1 was explaining what the Master Gardener “Volunteer” program was all about. See how I added in one more word in there. 4 hours of history,rules,regulations,more history,more rules,more regulations.
So you’re thinking “OK so you take classes every Friday and pass a test to be a Master Gardener.” As previously said I added in “volunteer”, which means I clearly must have forgotten to mention the volunteer hours. Fifty of them to be exact, and they all have to come from the list of available programs. So I figure if I can start my volunteer work while taking the classes, it’ll go by much faster for me. I had a whole plan worked out. “NOT SO FAST MY FRIEND!”.............
To Be Continued….
(This story was written as “Doggystyle” by Snoop Doggy Dogg served as the background soundtrack. Released November 23rd 1993. Happy Birthday Snoop born October 20th, 1971)
