And This is for the Hustlas
If you’re reading this it must be Thursday, my favorite day of the week. Actually after I typed that I realized you could be reading this at any time. Hell you get what I was trying to say! Let’s get right into it and finish the story from last week. If you need a refresher go back to last week before proceeding. Now where was I?
Ok so I’ve got a plan! By week 8 I had accumulated 9 volunteer hours. My Plan was to have at least 25 hours by the time class ended. I did a little garden cleanup, then helped reestablish a program for the elementary school kids( We’ll talk about my garden lessons with kids another week). So I was well on my way.
I arrived to take the midterm on March 13th, 2020(I was the last person to finish which was super embarrassing) and more than half the class was missing. Well If I haven’t mentioned it before I was the 2nd youngest person in the class, and I was 38 at the time. Well COVID-19 had them all shook! This was semi-early COVID, like no masks, everything open COVID. Maybe that got a message from AARP or something I don’t know...But they were like “(insert expletive) COVID, and (insert expletive) this midterm!” I got 42 out of 50 right for a score of 86 since I know y'all were dying to know.
So after finishing dead last as I previously mentioned, I gathered my heavy a$$ text book and headed to our field trip(yes we had field trips). For 2 hours I learned about Azaleas and Camellias and how they grow, how to graft, and how to make tea. Meanwhile my phone is going off COVID this and COVID that. So I’m starting at this point to get a little uneasy. I start looking around at everyone and we are in semi tight quarters, so I move to my right a little to get some space in between myself and whoever the hell was standing next to me. As I’m doing that I guy to the right of me sneezes(google Ike Turner meme). That’s the look I gave him and I said to myself “Damn these Camellias I need to get the hell out of here!”
That was the last time I saw any of my classmates in person until about 3 weeks ago. Like most Zoom was our “new normal” for class. One of the most colorful experiences of my life! Imagine having to listen to a 4 hour lesson about urban trees. What about varieties of turfgrass? Yea not the most interesting subject matters huh? Add to that “(insert name) turn your mic off.” “No not that one the other mic!” Meanwhile I’m thinking, “Does (insert name) know that we can see her? Ohhh by the looks of what she just did...the answer is no.” It was pure comedy for me. And honestly I only fell asleep once, and that was during the review for the exam. Probably not the best class to fall asleep in but YOLO!
Alright so here we go it’s finally test day. For the last 4 months my Friday mornings have consisted of plants, plants, pests, and more plants. And how could I forget the ever popular soil test. Which apparently is the solution to 99% of your growing problems(don’t quote me on that percentage) The test was 105 questions and timed. Yes it was hard as hell, no need to even ask. I probably finished last again, but who cares! I got 91 out of 100 correct. I was feeling pretty good about it, so I emailed another classmate who informed me that he got 102 out of 105 right. “Damn homie you did the bonus questions too huh?” Whatever it doesn’t matter we both passed, that’s all that counts. I did it! I'm now a Master Gardener, sort of...
So I attended every class, and passed the exam. But I wasn’t able to complete my volunteer hours. Due to the current circumstances we’ve been allowed to have an extension until December 31st, 2021 to complete out volunteer hours. I’m in good shape, because I’m a key person in the seed saving program that was established over the summer. So again I’m a Master Gardener, sort of… I’m technically not allowed to use the term “Master Gardener” unless I’m working on projects with the county extension program. We were told “You cannot use the title “Master Gardener” for your own personal benefit(insert the Ike Turner meme again). For the record they told us this AFTER our first class, and after the checks had cleared probably.
So this is the only time I will refer to myself as a (insert Master Gardener, they might be reading this) So if you live in my county and call the extension office for gardening tips you might hear my voice, actually that’s a lie I hate talking on the phone. If you’re at the farmers market and see the “Ask A Master Gardener” table you might see me, actually that’s a lie too. I’m not sitting at a dadgum table with all those people not distancing socially. Well I’m behind the scenes, saving seeds, and working on programs for the elementary school kids. Damn I had to pay to be a volunteer did I get hustled? Hence the title of today’s story! Just kidding I enjoyed every(almost every) second of it. I love to learn, and this was just something to increase my knowledge of plants. That’s D.O.P.E.! And so was this story!
(Part II of this story was written as Doggystyle by Snoop Doggy Dogg still played as the background soundtrack)
