Crumblin Herb
Yea so I sliced my thumb open while constructing(hell I barely got to the constructing part) a raised bed yesterday, so if you see any typos it’s because I can’t use my thumb, and I’m too lazy to proofread(although I’m going to proofread it). Alright let me get into it. This actually has nothing to do with “Herb”, although 4 people have asked me this week to grow some.
As I’ve said before If you want to bribe me take me to a garden center, or nursery. I’ll be your best friend for the rest of the day. The only problem is I get ignored all the time in the garden center! Or if I ask a question I get an answer explained to me as if I was a toddler. This is a frequent occurrence. Luckily for me I have enough supplies to last me for a while. Well last month I decided to experiment and I needed a basil plant for it. I usually always have more than one basil plant but for some reason during 2020 only one lasted. I also know that basil is sensitive to cold weather, so I was pressing my luck a little bit, although we were having 70 degree temperatures.
A few weeks ago I made a stop at a nursery, because I needed one plant(basil) for an experiment. After browsing for about 5 minutes and picking up a few plants I hear, “Hi sir, do you need any help today?” “No thank you I just need some basil.” “Well we usually don’t have basil this time of year.” Me(holding a basil plant):”Actually I’ve got a sweet basil right here, and I usually grow it from seed, but I’ve got something I’m trying out and need a plant to experiment with.” “OH OK..well remember to bring it in at night.” Me(still holding the basil),” Actually this basil can withstand anything 50 degrees and above and our temperatures are well past that point. And there is no frost in the forecast.” So now the guy is looking at me like “You arrogant son of a *****!” Out of nowhere a small lady with a deep tan(it’s January) and the darkest sunglasses I’ve ever seen(it’s cloudy) says “Oh you buy seeds huh? From where?” Now I’m thinking to myself what the **** is this a gang initiation?” “Well I rattle off 4 companies, and she nods. Then I add in “I also have a bit of a collection at home from the seeds that I have saved.” She nods again and slithers back into the shadows of the fruit trees, or whenever the hell she came from.
Well the guy comes in for round 2! “Yes I usually use seeds too, but this cilantro is so pretty right here.” Me(still holding the basil):”That’s flat leaf parsley.” He looks, and says “You know you’re right someone must have put it in the wrong place.” Me(now holding the parsley): “The serrations on a parsley plant are more pointy, than cilantro. Plus the color is a shade darker. But thanks for the basil, and happy growing!” I love this nursery, maybe the guy was having an off day? I don’t know. This would never happen to me at Home Depot...or would it?
Yesterday while I was in Home Depot I saw my man Rudy from the home & garden section working inside. “He walks past me and I ask “You’re inside today?” He responds, Naw man I just got here, they stuck me on the registers really quick.” I continue along my way, and about 5 minutes later he taps me on my shoulder and says “I’m going outside!” Now Rudy(his real name) knows me from the garden center. He sees me quite often. Wait, now that I think about it this was the same damn day as the previously mentioned story. I actually went to Home Depot first for what? Say it with me “A basil plant!” Yet when I arrived they had absolutely zero herbs. So I see Rudy and ask “When are the herbs coming in?” He has the audacity to say to me, “Did you look over there?” Now I’m facing the exact spot he’s talking about, and because I had a mask on he couldn’t see my look of disgust. I’m actually looking at the exact spot, while he’s talking. And if I’m not mistaken I think he can see it in his peripheral vision. Guess what?……….THAT SH*T WAS COMPLETELY EMPTY! I mean blank canvas empty. So I calmly say “The shelves are empty man.” Ok well the truck comes in tomorrow, maybe we’ll have some. So now, he wants to be helpful a month later. It’s getting warmer so my gardening adventures will be happening more frequently. Who knows awaits me, but if it’s interesting I’ll have a D.O.P.E. story for y'all!
(This story was written as “Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik” by OutKast derived as the background music. Released April 26th, 1994)
